i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
