do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just threw up on my dentist
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
