dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
