Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
