I'm lost and stupid without you.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize
