there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
