i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
