careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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