you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
