Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
