New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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