my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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