Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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