I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
