wat bout pragnant strippers??
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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