I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
