i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
