If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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