Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
