And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
