oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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