she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
