I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
