dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
