So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
