All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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