I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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