She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
