took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
