Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
