mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
