Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
