my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
