We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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