I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
