I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
