Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
