The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
