You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
