Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
