omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
