When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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