dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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