apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
