Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
