I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
