Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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