I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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