Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
