i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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